6 – 16 – 2019

Today is the first day that I did not feel nauseous all day since arriving to the Galapagos. As soon as I landed I was hit with stomach issues. I joked to one of my professors that I was having reverse altitude sickness. I still woke up today feeling nauseous but headed to the university without having eaten breakfast anyway. I have hardly eaten anything since I got here. I tried to eat some soup yesterday but I ended up only being able to eat the broth and some yuka, none of the fish or corn that was also in the soup. I actually at almost all of my dinner tonight, after having only one piece of bread as my breakfast and lunch.

I tried to figure out what was going on, thinking it was likely anxiety but not having such symptoms before I didn’t think it was entirely that. Carlos suggested it was lack of sleep or eating schedule while Mom and Dad helped to just try to mitigate my symptoms of whatever. I was feeling really miserable Friday night and Saturday morning. I called my mom crying both times. Called Carlos a few times too. I was overwhelmed.

I could not focus on not being anxious and nauseous and crying. My mind was finding any little thing to grab onto to worry about.

So today I decided to do what I could to distract myself since I was talking with my mom this morning as I felt like I was going to throw up every few steps, she told me I needed to stop thinking about being anxious about having anxiety because that was only making it worse. (Seemed to be true) I got to the university this morning still a bit nauseous but sat down and worked a few hours to finish my final essay for my online summer class. After a good few hours of working on and submitting that and eating my bread from the house (surprisingly with an actual appetite and not just forcing myself to eat) I went down to chill out on the beach with the sea lions [ and too many tourists who kept blocking my view of the sea lions and ocean ].

I had downloaded some podcasts before leaving since I knew I was going to have some time to chill and long boat rides later in the trip with little opportunity to actually download anything. I downloaded some episodes of Bill Nye’s Science Rules! and an interesting podcast about soccer and the human connection called By Association, and lastly a handful of sermons from both Love Chapel Hill and One UIO. One is a church that Carlos took me to last summer that made me start to feel comfortable with the idea of going back to church again. Love has become one of my favorite places to be at during the week, particularly my Tuesday night at Moe’s bible study group. Carlos and I went to One again last Tuesday and I had realized I missed listening to their podcasts (I fell behind and just never caught up) so I went ahead and downloaded a few. I also downloaded a good few from Love just as a why not, even some old sermons that I was likely there in person for.

This came in quite handy today when looking for something to listen to while I relaxed on the beach. I wanted to just sit and enjoy but there were so many people around I had to listen to something. I checked the downloads I had from Love and decided on one titled “The One Place You Can Take It.” This sermon was from back in February and I am pretty sure I was there that day since I remembered Pastor Matt talking about the love buckets they put out for Valentine’s Day but I apparently had not remembered the entire sermon so I went ahead and listened.

It turned out that this sermon was part of the Sermon on the Mount series and this particular day was focused on worrying and anxiety. The verse for that day was Matthew 6:25-34:

Do Not Worry

²⁵ “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life^[a]?

²⁸ “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹ Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? ³¹ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

What was incredible about this is as I was listening to Pastor Matt read this verse the nature around me was reflective of it. I had a frigate bird flying right above me as he said “Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.” Then I watched the sea lions thinking how it would be impossible for them to worry since they just lay on the beach for most of the day.

Pastor Matt continued, realizing his audience, as stated in the podcast description, are “college students, professionals, homeless, and parents repeating Jesus’ words not to worry.” A pretty tough crowd to preach that to.

Two of my favorite quotes from the sermon were “I don’t know all the places your anxiety comes from but I do know where you can take it, to Him” and “Worry is a thief that steals the joy from this moment and the hope from the next moment.” Both of which are important.

I focused more on the second quote as I laid on the beach watching the clouds turn a bit pinker as the sun was setting and watching the sea lions chilling around, and trying to ignore the tourists that kept interrupting my relaxation. I was reflecting on how much my anxiety had really messed up my first two days here. And because I was worrying about things days, weeks, and months into the future.